Tuesday, February 7, 2012


I firmly believe that Pictionary and Charades are games that ruin friendships and destroy marriages*.  I like to avoid them at all cost.  But when I'm trapped in a couple's game night with Pictionary or Charades on the agenda, there is a moment that is guaranteed to happen every time.  The clock is running out and the person onstage is casting evil eyes at her partner as if to say "What the hell is wrong with you??  I know you know what this is, why aren't you guessing it?  Why did I marry such a dummy??"  But instead of trying a different approach, what does the person do?  She draws the same thing harder and faster or makes the exact same motions even more exaggerated!  Why do we do this?  Clearly this strategy isn't working.  Clearly our partner is an idiot confused.  But we refuse to give up on our original plan because it is beyond obvious to us that when we run in and out of the room blowing air out of our mouths, it means "Gone with the Wind"!!  And when you keep saying "Forrest Gump!  No, wait, "Air Force One!  No, oh, wait, it's not "Forrest Gump?", we want to to discontinue all communication with you for the rest of our lives.  If it wasn't the right answer the first time you guessed it, it won't magically be the right answer the 6th time you guess it!!

I don't understand why people choose to play these games, which is why it breaks my heart that I believe that Jack is trapped inside a never-ending game of Charades with completely moronic partners- me and Trevor.  

Last night, we were all hanging out in the basement.  I was holding Jack on the couch.  From out of nowhere something caught Jack's eye.

Ok, start the clock...Charades has begun. 

Jack starts pointing.
Nancy puts him down on the ground to play
Jack cries
Nancy picks him back up
Jack starts pointing
Nancy gives him an empty water bottle
Jack throws it on the ground
Nancy tries to tickle him
Jack cries
Nancy gives him some blocks to play with.
Jack throws them, cries, and then "go-go Gadget arms" toward the remote control on the couch and grabs it (his reach is breathtaking)
Nancy takes it away from him (our receiver is still messed up from some mystery button or combination of buttons he pushed 3 months ago)
Jack howls and arches his back which turns his face red
The clock runs out.
Nancy sighs, removes the batteries from the remote control and lets him win.

He was trying to get us to guess "remote control" and we guessed "water bottle", "tickle", and "blocks".  We are dummies.  And just like an exasperated Charades or Pictionary player, he exaggerates his motions, keeps to his strategy and when all else fails, just tries to cheat.  I know there are only a few hundred more rounds of this before we're all speaking the same language.  Dear.God.

So the next time you're playing Pictionary or Charades with your friends or spouse, remember that, for the most part, we are all just babies in adult bodies.  And dude, seriously?  If I was trying to get you to guess "Forrest Gump", I'd mime sitting on a park bench eating chocolates then playing ping pong.  


This is the look of pure and utter disdain and exasperation.  #charadefail

*Actually, Monopoly is the worst, but that doesn't fit the metaphor.

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