Thursday, April 26, 2012

My Boy

Trevor was the odd man out in our family for a year.  For one whole year it was all about me.  I was the comforter, the food source, the balm, the only one who could get Jack to sleep.  This is not to say that Trevor wasn't a very active and involved dad, but that first year is really about mamas and babies in many ways.

This week we were all playing in the backyard.  Me in my heels from work getting stuck in the mud while I followed Jack around the yard.  I spotted a lilac bush in the back of our house that I always forget about.  I went over to pick some blossoms and came back to show Jack.  And what did I find?  Trevor and Jack picking up sticks and Trevor showing Jack how to use the stick as a sword.  

"Jack, look at the pretty flowers!" 


"Jack, aren't they pretty?"

Blink.  Blink.

Trevor started throwing sticks over the fence into our little wood pile.  Jack dutifully carried his over and poked it through the gap in the chain link to make his contribution.

I took my flowers inside and put them in a little vase on the windowsill- the odd one out.

I do not write this with a sad heart, I write this with a joyful heart.  My son and my husband are growing closer.  Soon, they will be sharing more adventures.  Jack starts swimming lessons on Saturday morning and Trevor will be right there in the pool with him, his strong arms holding him up.  (Is there anything better than a good father?)

It can be scary being the mom of a boy, thinking of the many ways that he will eventually leave me.  Will I have the same bond with him when he's an adult that I have with my mom?  Are there just certain things that only play out between a mother and a daughter or a father and a son?  And I think the answer is- yes!  But I guess that's true for all relationships.  I share special things with my brothers and special things with my sisters.  It doesn't make it bad, it's just different.

This morning, after Trevor and I tag-team changed and dressed him, Trevor held him and he started crying.  I took him and he hugged me- tightly!  He kept hugging me until it almost brought tears to my eyes.  This incredible act of affection was so meaningful to me in those last few moments before he leaves for daycare.  He left for daycare all smiles and Trevor texted me a photo just to prove to me that he was happy.  I sure do love that Trevor.

My grandfather used to tell stories of WWII and one in particular always stayed with me.  He recalled vividly hearing the cries of "mama! mama!" coming from wounded soldiers.  The mere thought of their mothers was a memory they always came back to and they cried out for them when they got scared or got injured.  In a very miniscule way, I got that this morning in that ferocious hug.

The world needs more strong, kind, and curious men.  I'm so glad this little soul chose Trevor and me to help see him into adulthood.

Two shadows stand against the sun
A father and his little one
And all the mother’s world held tight
In silhouettes of absent light

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